To no one in particular:
(I just feel like I have to write this down, somewhere.)

I don't like pretending. (Pretendous!) If I want to tell you something, I do. Well, most of the time, I try to. And I hardly think I'm a mean person, when I do that. Or am I? I just don't get why some people don't understand that. Is it hard to accept the truth? To hear things without the unnecessary "decorations". This is because, one of the things I don't like to be called is plastic.

And if you feel like my being transparent hurt you in any way, I'm sorry. You'll just have to deal with it. I can't change that fact about me.

***

I applied for my ToR earlier this afternoon. It takes 2 months to process. I'm so stupid for putting it off until today. Not that I actually need it for anything yet, but what if I get a job, uh, next month? Hehe d:

Everyone and their dog (literally!) suddenly has a blog. When did that happen? Sometimes, it's annoying how some people start one, just because it seems to be the in thing now. Biglang ang dami-dami na. Ngak, feeling ko naman I have the right to disprove of those who want online journals. Haha.

It's just amusing to see how everyone's quick to jump on the bandwagon. I'm not saying I've never followed a trend. D'oh. I had my hair ironed to six-months-of-straightness! A year late, but still. BUT ANYWAY. What I'm saying is, it's interesting that nothing we do in this world will ever be completely unique. Because a day from now, someone might be thinking of doing the exact same thing. Two weeks from now, someone might be replicating your one-of-a-kind pasta sauce, without meaning to. Nothing can ever be yours alone.

Man, this entry has no point. Congratulations if you reached this far. This is starting to sound like my livejournal. Eek.

The nice thing about having a lot of journals is that you can escape to anywhere, at any time. I have a site for 55 fiction, a diary-x for stupid random things, a diary-x for "poems", a blurty for icons (it used to be for my "kabarokan"), and a livejournal for, I don't know what (I don't even know why I keep everything locked. It's not as if there's anything secretive about it. Haha). Oh, and there's that paper journal I started early this year. I haven't written in it lately. I keep forgetting.

Last night, I worked on my scrapnotebook again. I like pretending that I'm artistic. Haha. Scraps of art paper, glue, song lyrics and voila! Art. I started tearing up my old Papemelroti notepad and glued it to the notebook, design face down. I'm starting to read The God of Small Things (like the first two pages! ha.) and I scribbled some lines from the book on the notepad paper. Metallic purple ink. Very pretty.

Two Weeks Notice on HBO. I haven't watched this movie from start to end. But I do like catching Norah Jones singing The Nearness of You. (:

Take it to the floor! I'm getting really excited for the concert. Never mind that every inch of my body feels sore right now. I think we're halfway done with the "You Got Served"-choreo. I don't know where they get their steps, but wow. It's a totally different style from what we're used to, so it takes a bit longer for us to get it right. I'm anxious, because in one part of the dance, I'm in front. Lord, help me. And I have to hold a pose for four counts. O_o God, give me STRENGTH! Bananas to the rescue! (:

Marketing has been harder than ever. I'm calling SMC this afternoon, in hopes that they'll be interested. I vow to turn in at least one sponsor! I need to. I've noticed how increasingly difficult it has been to get sponsors. I remember the first time I joined the marketing team, Laika, Jona and I teamed up. We followed up each other's sponsors and we each got one. You can really tell how everyone's getting poorer by the year. "Oh, we're sponsoring a lot of UP events already. Sorry, maybe in your next event." Great.

One more week to scrounge up some money. Good luck to us.

***

In Your Hands
Javier

In Your Hands
My life begins and ends
All that I am, I surrender to you
I've never felt so weak and yet so strong
I am home, where I belong
I was afraid, of losing everything
Now I'm amazed, `cause all I ever wanted
Was to lose, myself in you

In Your Hands
I place my trembling heart
All of my dreams, lead me to you
Now the tears of yesterday are gone
I've let go of holding on

There's a place, where all my journeys end
Where my broken soul can mend
Here I stand, there's nothing in my way
So I put my faith in youI will give my all to you
My heart has at last learned to dance
In Your Hands

In Your Hands
I know that I am home
And I'll never be alone
All that I am, is in your hands
My life begins and ends

I remember getting hooked on Brian McKnight's Home. It's a beautiful song. I'd listen to it over and over again. Now, I just heard this on LAUNCHcast. I'm not as vocal as some people are about my faith, but I love God! Everyday, you just have so many things to be thankful about. The fact that you're breathing, that you have food to eat, that you have a roof above you. I could go on and on. And it's sad how sometimes, I forget all about Him. "Most men forget God all day and ask Him to remember them at night." I read that one time, and felt embarrassed. It's not really hard to do, right? To talk to Him whenever you can? Afterall, He's always listening.

I love having my picture taken. No doubt about that. I plaster my face all over my journal, sometimes so I can get affirmation from people - half that I don't even know in person - that they can look at my face and not cringe. Yes, I am very vain. d:

Some people told me that I should apply to be a model. Gak. I never really took it seriously because I hate rejection. And well, there's a lot of that if I do attempt to apply. I've gotten myself into some situations that I shouldn't have, so I haven't really been actively looking for opportunities regarding this. But a couple of weeks ago, my friend who's a correspondent for a magazine, told us about a go-see for the magazine. I wasn't supposed to go, but at the last minute two of my friends and I ended up going, anyway. It was fun, because we spent half the time counting how many girls came in Mean-Girls-skirts. I think the count was at 10? Hehe.

So the other day, I got a message from the magazine about a modelling project. Naks, I was thrilled, to say the least. I had to look for a pencil skirt and had to show up at the Ateneo HS wearing it. I borrowed one from my friend (which I ended up not wearing) and went to 4M with it. I waited about an hour before they made me fit pencil skirts. (Does anyone even wear those to school!? I couldn't move in it!) The shoot was super fast (like four shots, max?). Kunyari they just saw me in school wearing what I was wearing. Haha, as if. I don't even go to school, anymore. But there. I survived my first "modelling project". Bwahaha. And true to my vanity, I will await the time that I see my face plastered on some magazine.

This was such a dumb post. Maybe I'll delete it someday. Feel free to laugh at it for now. (:

I spent a quarter of the day with two of my best college girlfriends. We sat around, while we waited for Kaye to get done with her grad pic. Honestly. How hard is it to take one? Does it really need to take six friggin' hours? Oh my. Thank God we can talk for hours on end, and never run out of things to say. Kaye was getting pissed, because they were so inefficient. She hated her make-up, and there was only one sablay, and a bunch of other irritating things.

There was this woman who was being chatty. She ended up asking where our grad pictures were taken last year. So, Patty and I said we had ours at Stone Temple. And we said it was so much better. We - well, I - didn't realize that she owned the studio doing this year's. Maybe that's why she was asking. Haha! After that, she was being mean. "Excuse me lang, ha? Nagcoconcentrate kasi kami dito." she shushed us (because, hello, we're always loud). She didn't have a right to do that, because (1) their service is crappy!; (2) they made us wait for SIX HOURS; and (3) you never treat your customers like that. Why do these people start businesses without learning ETHICS first? Grr.

Anyway. After the long wait, Kaye finally got done and we got to eat dinner at 10:30! -_- It was one of the best meals ever. Haha, I think maybe because we were incredibly hungry - and I was in good company. (:

On the way to Katipunan, Kaye and I were talking about people who put "rules" on the term "best friend". Like you can't have more than one. What if all your friends are, well, the best? I have to say, I'm quite lucky in that area. (:

Goodmorning, sunshine!

I miss writing.

I should really sit down with a clean sheet of paper and write. The last time I wrote a poem, was when my grandfather died. I find that I write my best poems when there's some sort of death involved. Isn't that sad?

I'd like to write about something happy for a change. But, I don't know, anything sad just sounds more beautiful?

Ay, ewan. Let's not be pretendous.

I was looking through my mp3s and realized I lost practically half of my John Mayer mp3s when my brother had to format the PC before installing XP. So I'm downloading like 20+ files at a time, haha. Hooray for SoulSeek!

I loved John Mayer the first time I heard No Such Thing. Someone suggested that I download his songs, so I did. Then, I downloaded Love Song for No One, and along with everyone else, decided it was going to be my personal anthem. Haha. I'm tired of being alone, so hurry up and get here.. Right. I downloaded Neon, because my brother told me it was his favorite song of his. I started getting the rest of his songs, even his spiels during live shows. I got a kick out of his covers of stuff from NSync and even Ashanti. I even wrote an article declaring how the wonderful world of P2P sharing led me to him. Ha.

I totally loved the video for Your Body is a Wonderland. I spent a huge amount of time dreaming that I was the girl in the video. Complete with swimming in white sheets and giggling to an imaginary guitar-strumming boy. I waited for shows that featured him. I think I even videotaped the one shown on MYX. O_o

He was gone for awhile. Then, I heard about his new album. I looked for Daughters and fell in love with it. I even made a wallpaper with She puts the color inside of my world across it. I waited for Bigger than My Body on TV, because I wanted to stare at his shoes. d:

Now, whenever I see Clarity (which just played on my Winamp!!) on TV, I switch channels. The ooooh-hoo annoys me. I kind of liked the Back to You-Comfortable-83-John Mayer better.

Oh look, 16 more songs to go.